Brendon was sitting across from me, smiling like the cat who just swallowed the canary. “My suit’s a little tight on you,” he said, nodding. “You were always heavier than me, even as a kid. Always bigger than your big brother.”

“I-It’s okay. I don’t –“ I fumbled with my beer glass, spilling some of it. He reached over the table and moved it away from me.

“You got to be more careful, Nick,” he glared at me.

He stopped a waitress and had her wipe off the table. After she left, he turned to me, smiling again. “Ah never mind, in a couple of days when I have time we’ll go out shopping and buy you your own clothes.” He hesitated. “Nick, do you know how much it cost me to have that detective find you?”

I looked away from him. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not complaining, Nick.” He grabbed a handful of pretzels. “I promised our parents I’d take care of you.”

“I was okay,” I said. “I had a job. Almost for two months and …”

“Yeah, I know.” Brendon waved it away. “You had a job frying burgers. I know, it was the longest job you had since Nam. But you can’t settle for something like that. I’ll get you set up with a real job.”

I could tell he was losing patience with me. I didn’t want to ask him anything else, I didn’t want to get him any madder at me, but there was something I had to know.

“Uh, Brendon,” I cleared my throat. “Is Marge still mad at me?”

“That was over three years ago.” He took a sip of his beer and held the glass in front of him. A dullness crept into his eyes as he studied it. “It was my own fault, Nick. I shouldn’t have left the credit card out in the open. I know it’s something you can’t help.” He stood up. “Got to go answer to nature. You won’t run away on me while I’m gone?”

I shook my head.

“Good.” He put his hand on my shoulder as he walked by. “Order yourself another beer. I’ll be right back.”

After he left, I stood up and looked for the exit. I wanted to leave. I wanted to walk out the door and go away, but I couldn’t. I promised Brendon I wouldn’t. The waitress came over. I tried ordering a beer. She started joking with me, but I must’ve said the wrong thing because she looked at me funny and walked away. It was getting hard to breathe. I felt like I couldn’t sit there any longer.

I looked around wondering what was taking Brendon so long. Then I saw him walking back with a small redhead. I turned away, hoping he wouldn’t bring her back to the table. Brendon clasped my shoulder. “Nick,” he said. “I want you to meet a friend of mine, Lisa Chaney.”

She moved in front of me and took my hand. Her hand was small, her fingernails painted a deep blood red. She sat down next to me.

“Hi,” she smiled. “It’s nice to meet you.” She had the pale white complexion that redheads usually have. Her lipstick – the same blood red as her fingernails – stood out on her skin like a knife wound.

“What’s the matter?” she asked. “You know how to talk?”

“Uh, sure –“

Brendon grinned. “I think he’s shy.”

She reached over and whispered something into Brendon’s ear, and he started laughing. He whispered something back. I guess I was watching her and her eye caught mine. I lowered my head.

“What do you think you’re staring at?” she demanded angrily.

I realized my head was level with her chest. I turned away.

“Uh, Brendon.” It was difficult to talk, everything was so hot, dizzy. “I-I h-have to go. I have to –“

“I was just kidding you,” she said. “Can’t you take a joke?”

“Sure he can.” Brendon winked at her. “It just takes him a while to get used to people.”

“Friends again?” she asked, smiling.

“Uh, s-sure.”

The waitress came over and told Brendon he had a phone call. He left and came back a minute later. “Nick, I have an emergency. I got to go to the police station and see a client.”

He took fifty dollars out of his wallet and handed it to me. “This should cover the drinks and a cab ride home. Will you be okay?”

“Don’t worry about him.” Lisa interrupted. “I’ll take good care of your little brother.”

“Okay, then.” Brendon gave me a funny look and then hurried out of the bar.

“So,” she cocked her head, studying me. “Brendon said you were in Vietnam?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” I turned away from her. “Yeah.”

She didn’t say anything for what seemed like a long time. I could feel her staring at me. Then, in a tired voice she said, “Look, I don’t see any point in staying here. I think I’m going to head home.” I nodded, waiting for her to leave, waiting for her to stop standing over me. Something touched my hand. I looked up and she was grinning. “Well, are you going to sit here all night?" I let her lead me out.

When we got to her apartment, Lisa took her coat off and I realized how pretty she was. She was wearing a tight skirt which outlined slender hips, and the rest of her, her face, her -, I turned my head away. I didn’t want her to think I was staring.

She moved me into the living room and had me sit on a leather sofa. She then told me we were going to have a little party and she started taking bottles out of the liquor cabinet.

She turned to me, and with disappointment, told me she was out of gin and she would have to go get some because that was all she felt like drinking. Right before she left she kissed her finger and pressed it against my lips and told me that when she got back we would really live it up.

I looked around the room and noticed a desk next to the liquor cabinet had one of its drawers half opened. I got up and looked inside. There was a stack of hundred dollar bills sitting there. I picked it up and counted five thousand dollars. I put it back and tried to walk away, but I couldn’t.

I stood frozen, feeling the blood rush to my face. Hearing it pounding in my ears. Tasting its hotness in my mouth. I grabbed the money and left Lisa’s apartment.

Out on the street, I just started walking. I wanted to go back and return the money, but I couldn’t. I had to keep moving. A half hour later I came to a bar and went inside.

After three hours of buying drinks and handing out money I had nothing left. I didn’t even have any of the fifty dollars Brendon had given me. But for those three hours I had people smiling. I had people slapping my back and laughing with me, not at me. For those three hours I was something other than a dead man. It’s hard to explain, but taking the money was something I had to do. When you feel dead all the time and you know there’s something that will make you feel less dead, you don’t have any choice. And I’ve felt like a dead man for almost twenty years.

About a month before my eighteenth birthday Brendon killed a woman in a hit and run accident. He came to me afterwards, begging and pleading that I tell the police I was the one in the car. After all, he had just gotten accepted into law school and this would ruin his life, but I was still a juvenile so they’d only slap my wrists.

Well, I didn’t have any choice. I had to help my brother so I told the police  what Brendon wanted me to. The judge though, did give me a choice. I could either be tried as an adult and go away for ten years or I could enlist when I turned eighteen and serve my country in Vietnam.

When Bobby Johnson heard I had to enlist, he told me he’d go in with me. Hell, hadn’t we been best buddies since first grade? He’d be damned if he’d let me go alone and have something happen to me, so we signed up together and arranged to be in the same platoon,

The first week we were over there, a kid ran up to us and pulled out a gun and shot Bobby in the chest. I tried to help Bobby. I tried to keep his blood from pouring out, but after about a minute he wasn’t breathing. I got up and ran after the kid. I chased him almost two miles into the jungle before I caught him. And when I did, I stuffed mud into his mouth so no one would hear him scream. Then I took out my knife and skinned him.

From the moment Bobby died it was like I had a blindfold on. I had to keep killing – I had to keep paying them back for him. Later when my tour was almost over, the blindfold slipped off and I realized what I’d done. I realized that for a long time I’d stopped being alive.

I had to walk about ten miles to get to Brendon’s house. When I got there, I could see a car parked outside with people in it. When I got closer, I could see it was Brendon and Lisa in the front seat and another man in back. Brendon saw me and rolled down his window and gasped, “Nick, what did you do?” The other man opened his door and pointed a gun at me. “Get in,” he ordered softly.

I stood where I was. The man started to get out of the car. Brendon burst out, “For Godsakes, do what he wants!” Lisa looked amused. I walked around the car and got in next to the man with the gun. He was a heavyset man with big ears and not much hair. He poked the gun under my chin. “You stole my money.” His voice was raspy, kind of like his throat had been scraped with sandpaper.

“I-I’m sorry.”

“He’s sorry,” the man with the gun chuckled. He pushed the gun into my throat. “What you going to do about it?”

“Brendon,” I said. “Could you give him the money?”

That made the man laugh harder. “It don’t work that way, smart guy. You stole from me, now you got to pay me back. You got any money?”

I shook my head.

“Then you owe me. I got a job I need help on and you’re it, smart guy. You gonna help me steal some money.”

“No,” I shook my head.

“No?” he raised an eyebrow. “It’s okay to steal my money but not someone else’s?” Then, low and mean, “You say yes right now or I blow your goddamn head off.”

Brendon lurched forward, his eyes wide with excitement.

“Do what he says, Nicky!”

I didn’t say anything. The man with the gun growled., “You think I’m joking?”

I shrugged. “Okay, smart guy,” he said. “You don’t care about yourself, is that it? What if I take your brother inside and blow his head off?”

Brendon was screaming at me. “My God, Nicky. Marge and the kids are home! Please Nicky, try and understand what’s happening!”

“I’m sorry,” I told him. I turned to the other man. “I guess you better take him inside.”

Brendon’s jaw dropped. The man with the gun gave Brendon a questioning look, like he was unsure of what to do. Lisa broke out laughing. I slapped the man hard and his eyes went dumb. I slapped him again. Lisa laughed harder. The man’s eyes exploded with fury. He raised the gun and I hit him across the mouth with my open palm, splitting his lip. Brendon reached back and grabbed the man’s arm, the one with the gun. He shouted at the man, “No Mike! No!” Then he turned to me. “What the hell –“, he choked it off, swallowed and tried again. “Nicky, what are you doing?”

I faced my brother. “You wanted me to steal the money. You had her take me to the apartment so I’d steal the money.”

“No, Nicky.” He was shaking his head like that would settle the issue. The other man had gotten his arm free, but just sat silently holding a handkerchief against his mouth.

“The detective you hired,” I said to Brendon. “I saw him six months ago and I saw him other times too. He was keeping tabs on me until you needed me.”

“Oh boy,” he muttered. “Oh boy. You’re confused and –“

Lisa interrupted, her eyes shining. “I thought you little brother would be too dumb to guess what was going on. Isn’t that what you said?”

“Brendon’s face was flushed. “Shutup!” He tried looking me in the eye, but he couldn’t. “I’m sorry, Nicky. Can we talk?” I told him we could always talk. We drove to Lisa’s apartment and during the ride no one said a word.

Inside the apartment, Brendon was grinning and acting like nothing had happened. He introduced Big Mike, the heavyset man I slapped around. He then told me about a client of his, Paul Dreason, who was the top man in the local crack trade. Dreason had five million dollars and Brendon told me we were going to take it away from him.

We sat down and Brendon explained it to me. The five million was sitting in a safe in an empty warehouse waiting for the mob to pick it up. Brendon asked Big Mike to get the blueprints of the warehouse, and then he spread them out, showing me where the safe would be.

I looked at Brendon. “How do you know about this?”

“It’s a long story, Nicky. I don’t think you’d understand.”

I nodded and then asked, “Why isn’t it being protected?”

Lisa smirked at Brendon. “For someone as dumb as you say he is, he asks a lot of questions.” Brendon’s face went white. He turned to her, his lips pressed into a tight smile. “Will you lay off!” he ordered. He raised his hand as if he were going to slap her. I interrupted. “What do you want me to do?”

Dropping his hand, he turned back to me. “This is going to be easy, Nick. Big Mike has already put together a bomb that will blow off the safe cover. It works on a timer. All I need you to do is place it next to the safe and carry out the money after it blows open. It won’t take more than five minutes.”

I stared at him and kept staring until his smile cracked. Then I asked Brendon why he needed me to blow up the safe. Why he or Big Mike or anyone else couldn’t do it.

He looked rattled. “I-I need someone I can trust. And you’ve been in Vietnam, you know how to handle yourself in difficult situations. I’m going to be in the car driving. And Big Mike needs to be watching the building in case there’s any trouble. I need you, Nicky. You won’t let me down, will you?”

“No, I guess not.”

Relief washed over his face, leaving a broad, wide smile. “Okay, Nicky. Why don’t we go home and get some sleep.” Lisa grabbed Brendon by the arm and the two of them turned their backs to me and talked in hushed voices. I could see Brendon nodding and then he turned back to me. “Nicky,” he said. “Why don’t you stay here tonight. Is that okay?”

I told him it was. “One more thing,” he hesitated. “We have it planned for twelve tomorrow afternoon. We have to do it then. But don’t worry, the explosion will just be a little pop, no one will hear us.”

I told him I guess it didn’t matter. He smiled, nodding his head. “I’ll pick you up at eleven. Don’t worry, Nicky. Everything will work out fine. And Dreason deserves this. We’re not doing anything bad.” He got up to leave. Big Mike joined him, glaring at me as he left. I could see his lip had swelled.

Lisa took me to the guest room and helped me make up the bed. She gave me a funny look. “Yeah, what do you want to ask me?”

“Why did Brendon want me to stay here?”

“Because,” she smiled slightly. “I promised your brother I’d make sure you didn’t run out on us. But that’s not the reason I wanted you to.” She started to unbutton her blouse, her flesh warming to a soft pink as she did.

“Are you and Brendon…” I didn’t know how to finish the sentence.

“Maybe,” she smirked. “He’s planning on leaving his wife for me after we get the money. Why, does it matter?” She gave me a hard look and stopped unbuttoning her blouse. “I guess it does,” she said softly.

She took hold of my chin and studied me, and then nodded to herself. “You do look a lot like your brother,” she said. “You’re about the same height and have similar features. But you’re better looking, you’re heavier, more muscular, and you don’t have his shifty eyes.”

She laughed and walked over to the door. “No,” she said. “You got big, dumb eyes, like you don’t know a damn thing.” Her face softened. “Nicky, it’s not too late for you to just walk away. You could leave now and be in another state by tomorrow.”

“I-I can’t. I promised Brendon.”

“The two of us could go, Nicky. We could walk out together. Would you like that?”

“But the five million dollars –“

“Skip it.” Her eyes hardened. “You really don’t have a clue, do you?”

I shook my head.

“I guess you don’t,” she said, her voice brittle. “You see, when I’m driving at night and I catch an animal in the headlights, and they freeze and look at me with big, dumb eyes like yours, you know what I do?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t –“

“I step on the gas. Have pleasant dreams, bright boy.” And she slammed the door shut.

You can’t steal five million dollars from the mob and expect to live. It’s not that easy. They’d be after you for the rest of your life. And they’d catch you. Brendon had to know that much, And besides, there were too many holes in the way he told it for it to be that way. I took out a pack of cigarettes and laid down on the bed.

Of course, I knew why Brendon needed me. I knew why I had to be the one to bring the bomb into the warehouse. The warehouse had to be rigged with explosives, so when the one bomb went off the whole place would go up in flames.

Brendon and I are the same height and we do look a lot alike. The extra bulk I have would be burned off in the fire and wearing his clothes would cinch it. All that would be found in the warehouse would be a burnt body that would be identified as Brendon’s and a pile of ashes that the mob would think used to be five million dollars. That’s the only way it could work. Which meant that the money had already been taken out of the safe.

I lit another cigarette and inhaled deeply, letting the smoke fill my lungs. If Brendon had asked me straight out to do it, I probably would’ve. There’s not much for me anymore and besides, I’m tired of feeling dead inside. But I couldn’t do it for him now, not with him acting as if I was dumb. I was sick of acting dumb.

I thought about Lisa, about the way she’d been acting, and decided all she was doing was playing games with me. She could’ve told me the truth, but she really didn’t want me to walk away. If I was as dumb as she thought I was, none of her hints and nudges would’ve helped me. I guess it was part of her nature. I couldn’t walk away from it anyway. I know I don’t have much, but fighting for the little I have could make me feel something. I had to stick around and see if I could feel something.

The next morning Lisa made us pancakes and bacon. While we were eating, she kept giving me nervous glances. She cleared her throat and told me Brendon had called while I was asleep and changed the plans for midnight.

I didn’t say anything. “Well?” she asked angrily. “Do you understand what I said?” I nodded. Her face relaxed. “Your brother asked me to give you some money so you could see a movie or something. How’s that sound?”

I looked at the clock on her stove. It was ten thirty. I told her it would be fine, that I’d leave as soon as I finished breakfast. I then slowed down with my eating. Every once in a while I’d glance up at her and she’d give me a jerky smile. I pushed my plate away a couple of minutes before eleven.

Her face turned red and she hollered at me, “You’re a real smart guy, aren’t you?”

I played innocent and watched as Brendon walked through the door. “All set?” he asked. Lisa shook her head as she walked by me. Big Mike was sitting in the back seat of the car waiting for us.

Brendon and Lisa sat up front. I joined Big Mike in back. Brendon held up a bag, “The bomb’s in here, Nicky. It’s set to go off at twelve fifteen. You got to be careful with it.”

Lisa deadpanned, “Yeah, make sure you don’t blow yourself up.”

Brendon handed her the bag, “You better hold it,” he said, glaring at her.

As we drove, the buildings got more and more run-down. Finally, Brendon pulled up next to a large gray one. Big Mike ran out and about a minute later came back puffing. “It’s all ready,” he said, lowering himself back into the car.

No one talked. Brendon kept looking at his watch. Finally, he took the bag from Lisa’s lap. “It’s time,” he said. He reached back and handed me the bag. He kept his eyes away from mine. “Okay, Nick. We’ve got seven minutes. You better get going.”

I leaned back in my seat. “I’m not sure I understand what I’m supposed to do. Maybe we better go over it again?”

Lisa gave Brendon a quick sideways glance. “Your brother’s a real bright light, isn’t he? I think we should just forget the whole thing before he screws up on us. I think we should leave the bag here and go.”

Brendon’s head snapped as if he’d been slapped. He growled at her, “I think I should knock your damn teeth out!”

“I don’t know.” I interrupted. “I forgot what I’m supposed to do.”

Lisa let loose with a nervous laugh. Big Mike was looking impatient, his ears turning a bright red. “You stupid idiot!” he exploded. He started to pull his gun from his jacket. “Take that stinking bag and go in there before I blow your goddamn head off!”

I swung my right arm and caught him hard with my elbow. His head bounced off the door, making a dull thud. I think he was unconscious, but I hit him again. His gun had dropped from his hand. I picked it up and brought the handle down on his skull. Blood started to spread across his forehead, down into his face.

Brendon’s mouth had dropped open. Lisa’s eyes were sparkling. “Brendon,” I said. “I think it would be better if you did it for me.”

I tossed the bag onto his lap. He couldn’t talk, at least not right away. Finally, he sputtered, “N-Nicky, w-what’s going on?”

I reversed the gun in my hand and flicked the barrel across his cheek, drawing blood. “Don’t make me shoot you, Brendon. Please, open the door and get out of the car. We only got about a minute left.”

He hesitated. I flicked the gun again, this time catching a soft spot on his neck. He got out, his legs looking like rubber bands. The bag hung from his left hand. I got out and joined him. Lisa also got out.

“Go ahead,” she said to him, her voice shaking with contempt. “Do Nicky’s job.”

“You stinking bitch!” he swore. He lunged to hit her. I shot him in the hip. Lisa giggled. Brendon turned towards me, his eyes wide with terror. His mouth tried to work, but no noise came out.

“Brendon,” I said. “If you had leveled with me and asked me to do it, I would’ve. But you shouldn’t’ve done it this way. You shouldn’t’ve treated me like I was stupid. There’s a difference between being stupid and not giving a damn.”

He was wobbling on his feet like a fighter in the tenth round who had taken too many shots to the head. He turned from me, and then staggered back. He pulled a locker key from his pocket and handed it to me. “At the airport, Nicky. Please, forgive me,” he half-said, half-sobbed. He held out his arms as if he expected a hug. I pushed the gun into his chest. “We don’t have time for this,” I said. “Get moving.”

He nodded, and turned towards the building. He moved as if he were an automaton, as if his legs were disconnected from the rest of his body. As if he were a corpse. He got to the door, stepped through it, and closed it behind him. The explosion came ten seconds later. The windows shattered, flames seared through them. There couldn’t’ve been much of Brendon left.

Lisa gave me a funny look, half appraising, half scared. “You’re not as dumb as you act, are you? What other tricks do you have?” I showed her a bare-fanged smile. “Get in the car,” I ordered. I pulled Big Mike from the back seat and left him in the street. It was going to be a while before he woke up. I had enough time to do what I had to before he talked. As we drove to the airport, neither of us said a word. I found the locker that matched the key. There were two briefcases inside. I opened them. You wouldn’t think five million dollars would’ve been able to fit in them, but it did. I took a large chunk out of one of them and counted half a million dollars. I closed the locker. I put the key back in my pocket.

Lisa grabbed my arm. “Let’s take the money, Nicky. We’ll get on a plane and go somewhere where they’ll never find us. We can do it right now.”

I laughed. “Yeah, just the three of us. Just you, me and five million dollars. When were you planning on cutting my throat, the first night I’m asleep?”

She took a step away from me, her face hardening. “That’s right, the first chance I get I’m going to cut your throat. And while I’m at it, I’m going to cut out your dirty, stinking heart. You dirty bastard, you dirty…” And she started sobbing. I grabbed her wrist and jerked, almost pulling her off the ground. All the way to the car it was like that, me dragging her as if she were a rag doll. Inside the car she started laughing, a weird hysterical laugh, kind of like nails on a blackboard.

“You’re dumber than I ever gave you credit for,” she swore at me. “You’re a bright light, alright. A big twenty watt bulb.”

It went on and on like that, but I ignored her. I could understand how she was feeling. I drove to Brendon’s house. Marge and the kids were out, and I was thankful for it. I left the half million in one of her dresser drawers. Brendon probably had life insurance, but I had to make sure Marge and the kids would be taken care of. I left a note and signed Brendon’s name. I found the suitcases hidden in Brendon’s workroom. I brought them back out to the car. Lisa was sitting there with hate in her eyes. I put the suitcases in the trunk and got back behind the wheel. “You and Brendon were planning on taking a trip?”

“You were able to figure that out all on your own? You better give it a rest before something inside pops.”

She stopped talking. She looked so white, so pale, as if all the blood had drained from her body. After a while she asked where I was going.

“We’re going to your place.” I could feel her body cringe. “You got bags to pick up, don’t you?”

“We don’t have to, Nicky.” She waited for me to say something, but I didn’t. “Please, Nicky. Let’s go back to the airport?” There was a pleading in her voice. I didn’t want to look at her. I knew I’d change my mind if I did.

“Who says,” I sneered, my throat beginning to tighten. “That I want to go anyplace with you? Maybe I only want to get you alone. Maybe I want to take my knife and carve you up a little. I had a lot of practice with that in Nam, and I miss it.”

“If that’s what you want, go right ahead. You got all the answers, don’t you?” She hesitated. Then in a soft voice. “So I’m just a dirty whore? Nothing but a dirty, lousy, heartless…” and she let it die in her throat.

We drove in silence the rest of the way. A cold, harsh silence. It was something like death. I knew what was waiting for us at her apartment. Brendon should’ve known too, but I guess he just didn’t look hard enough. I guess he was too busy being a wise guy.

He should’ve known the whole thing was too easy, almost like Dreason opened the safe and handed the money right to him. It should’ve sounded funny to him. And Lisa. He should’ve known she wouldn’t want anything to do with someone like him. He should’ve known Dreason would be waiting for the two of them to go back to Lisa’s apartment. Waiting for them to pick up her bags.

Dreason was only a cog in the drug industry. Someone to hold the money and watch it pass from big shot to big shot. But he saw his chance to walk away with five million dollars.

Brendon would walk through Lisa’s door and get his face blown off. I guess Dreason’s wallet would be planted on Brendon’s body, and he and Lisa would walk away free and clear. He’d have enough connections to make sure Brendon’s body would be identified as his. No reason for the mob to ever look for him, not if they thought the five million dollars was blown up and Dreason shot dead. And … and a thought startled me. Maybe Lisa never had any choice. Maybe she had to do what she did. She wanted us to go away together, but she must’ve known that Dreason would know she double-crossed him. She must’ve known he’d never give up looking for her. She’d always have to …

We got to the building. Doubt was working its way into my stomach. I tried looking into her face. It was hard, as if it were chiseled out of marble.

“What are you waiting for?” she asked, her voice defiant, challenging.

“N-nothing.” I grabbed her and pulled her out of the car. She jerked herself free and walked in front of me, leading the way to her door.

She stared straight through me. “Okay, bright boy. You want the key?” And she held it out in front of me. I reached for it and she pulled it back. Then, she told me everything. She told me about Dreason waiting behind the door, how Dreason promised to kill her if she didn’t do what he wanted, how sick inside she’s been feeling. As the words rushed out of her, I realized she wouldn’t’ve let me walk into the warehouse. She would’ve stopped me.

She gave me an uneasy smile. “Please, Nick,” she almost begged. “Don’t go in there.” Her face was struggling to keep its composure, to hold back a flood of tears. Trying desperately to stay tough, but it wasn’t working.

“We can’t leave like this.” I smiled at her. “He’ll always be after us. It has to be taken care of now. Don’t worry, it will be alright.”

I took out the locker key and folded it in her hand. I still had Big Mike’s gun. It was a magnum forty-four. Holding it made me feel like I was back in the jungle. I could feel my smile stretching, freezing into the same mask I used to wear over there.

She tried to reach for me, but her arms fell slack to her side. I took a deep breath and kicked the door open, rolling forwards as the door broke apart. I ended up on my knees with the magnum stretched out in front of me. Dreason was standing there, a shocked expression on his face. I waited just long enough to let him get a shot off before I pulled the trigger. The last thing I saw before the darkness was a piece of his brain splatter across the living room wall. The last thing I heard was Lisa screaming, and then her footsteps running towards me.

I read somewhere that the brain can keep functioning minutes after the heart has stopped. Dreason’s bullet had cut my heart in half, so I guess that’s true. It’s funny though, my thinking now is crisp and clear, not scattered with random images and impulses like I would’ve thought. It had to be this way. Lisa needed some sort of chance. She didn’t need to be saddled with a dead man, and that’s all I’ve ever been since Nam. That’s all I’d ever be, and now it’s just complete. The body has caught up with the soul.

I know Lisa is no angel. I know she was going to double-cross my brother. But he would’ve deserved it, so I can’t blame her much for that.

No, she’s no angel, but she deserves a chance. She did what she could to let me walk free. She tried her best. With the four and a half million that’s left she can start over. It’s all up to her now.

There is nothing left of me but a few thoughts. And these probably won’t last more than a minute. Even though I can’t feel anything, I know Lisa is holding me. I know her tears are warming my face. Just for a minute it would’ve been nice to feel something.

End