Tying the Knot Far From Home

By HOPE REEVES

N OT being one for pomp and circumstance, Sara Shuman, a 38-year-old graphic designer from Los Angeles, recoiled at the idea of a traditional wedding. So instead of exchanging vows in California, she and her fiancé, Peter Duke, decided to marry on the Greek island of Santorini.

The wedding in the fall of 2000 was small, but the 15 friends and family members who attended had a unique experience.

"How many guests get to witness their newlyweds' parade through town on donkeys as the locals clap and cheer?" Ms. Shuman asked.

Such so-called destination weddings have been on the rise for the past few years, said Erinn Bucklan, travel and lifestyle editor of Elegant Bride magazine, adding that couples typically choose this route for the romance, the novelty and the savings that result from having fewer guests (usually not more than 40). And because such weddings commonly take place in beautiful resort locations ‹ the Caribbean and Mexico are most popular, according to those in the field ‹ many couples make combination wedding-honeymoon trips, saving even more money.

The catch is that planning a far-flung wedding, for obvious reasons, can be a challenge involving a lot of sight-unseen decisions.

Some couples hire a destination wedding planner who arranges everything and often travels to the site to orchestrate events. These wedding agencies reduce the burden immensely but may charge a relatively hefty fee of roughly 10 percent of the total wedding cost, and the couple pays for all travel and expenses.

Hiring a planner who lives at the destination, as Mr. Duke and Ms. Shuman did, is another option, one some couples prefer since the person is familiar with local vendors and doesn't have to travel. Other couples choose resorts that offer wedding-honeymoon packages that include wedding coordinators. Still others go it alone, and for them the Internet can be invaluable.

One good resource is the Web site www.theknot.com; books on the subject include "The Most Romantic Resorts for Destination Weddings, Marriage Renewals and Honeymoons," by Paulette Cooper and Paul Noble (S P I Books, $20) and "Let's Elope: The Definitive Guide to Eloping, Destination Weddings and Other Creative Wedding Options," by Lynn Beahan and Scott Shaw (Bantam Books, $12.95).

Deciding on a destination should begin as soon as possible, up to a year before the desired wedding date, to minimize problems like expensive air fare and booked venues, advised Jennifer Cegielski, content director of the Knot, one of the largest wedding Web sites. Important things to consider are budget, travel time and convenience, and what the weather is likely to be at the wedding site. Another factor is the marriage license. Some countries won't allow foreigners to wed, others have unexpected rules ‹ in Jamaica, for example, a couple must produce certified copies of birth certificates that include fathers' names ‹ and even states have different laws.

While visiting the location beforehand is ideal, many couples can't and must rely on the Internet, telephone calls and recommendations for reception venue, hotel, caterer, florist, etc. When making arrangements long distance, planners suggest contacting three references who have used the services.

Resort wedding packages can often be the easiest and most affordable way to deal with details since they come with coordinators who plan and supervise weddings for a living. Wyndham, Sandals, Marriott and Ritz-Carlton are some of the larger companies offering these packages, which often include assistance with obtaining a marriage license, a ceremony and reception spot, an officiant, photography, flowers, cake and music.

Basil and Ann Papayoti of Atlanta took advantage of one of these packages in February at Wyndham Sugar Bay resort in St. Thomas. The couple decided to marry one evening, went on the Internet and had the whole thing planned by 5 a.m., they said. Six days later they were standing before a minister, overlooking the sea and the neighboring island of St. John. Both had been married previously and their one guest was Ms. Papayoti's 6-year-old son, Houston.

Sugar Bay's Simply Paradise package, which included a wedding coordinator (who must have "jumped through hoops to get it all together so fast," Ms. Papayoti said), a minister, a photographer, flowers, champagne and a boutonniere for the son, cost them $1,035 plus the cost of their room. A double at Sugar Bay costs $480 and includes all meals and drinks for two.

Couples should be certain, Ms. Cegielski recommended, about what is included and what is not included in such packages and get everything in writing before signing a contract.

Party Favors

A couple should invite everyone they wish to attend regardless of the likelihood of their being there, according to Ms. Cegielski, so that nobody feels hurt. A quick mention in the invitation that the couple understands it might be a hardship for some, as Ms. Shuman and Mr. Duke did, is a nice touch, she added.

"We told people, 'We'd love you to come but we understand if you can't,' Ms. Shuman recalled. "That way nobody felt guilty." Some couples pay for some or all of their guests' air fare, but this is not expected, said JoAnn Gregoli, co-owner of Elegant Occasions, a Manhattan wedding planning agency that specializes in destination weddings. Choosing a spot that can be reached relatively easily and affordably by guests will make things easier on everyone, as will a family-friendly venue if children will be coming along.

Depending on the number of expected guests and their finances, planners say, it is considerate to recommend accommodations at different price levels within a reasonable distance of the wedding venue. Requesting no presents can be a good way to reduce guests' financial burden.

But the most helpful thing a couple can do for their guests is to send out a save-the-date letter about six months in advance, Ms. Gregoli said. In addition to the date, it should include information such as climate, appropriate dress, travel suggestions, a passport reminder, any necessary vaccinations or health considerations, lists of hotels and activities and a schedule of events. For the folks who can't attend, planners recommend giving a party within a few weeks of returning home. This way everyone gets to share, if not the special day, another special day.

Sara Shuman and Peter Duke had their after-wedding party at a Greek restaurant in Malibu. Taverna Tony couldn't entirely recreate the feeling of Santorini, and there were no donkey rides, but the guests were pleased. "We gave everyone a card with the Web site address with all our wedding pictures," Ms. Shuman said of www.idomemories.com. "The site has gotten 10,000 visits and I'm barraged with e-mails from strangers wanting to do exactly what we did." 

  HOPE REEVES writes frequently for The Times.