From:   Mr. Gold

To:       Mr. Blue

Subject: You Schmuck!

Hey Schmuck, look what I found in the paper today:

The body of a male believed to be middle-aged was fished out of the water off Swampscott Bay late yesterday evening. According to police reports, the victim had been brutally beaten and skinned before being dumped into the ocean. This paper has learned that Victor Petrenko is being considered as a suspect in this murder, along with four similar murders; the first dating back to 1994. Petrenko, a reputed member of the Russian mob, has long been suspected of being involved with criminal enterprises along the North Shore, including prostitution, drugs, loan sharking and extortion. When asked to comment, Lynn Police Captain Martin Brady insisted that there is no evidence at this time linking Petrenko or anyone else to this murder. "Given the state of the body, and that all dental evidence had been removed, it is doubtful this victim will ever be identified," Brady added.

This is the guy you want us to rip off?? Are you fucking nuts?? You want to end up in the ocean like his other pals?? Use your brains, schmuck!!

Copyright 2005 Dave Zeltserman. All rights reserved.